Snapshots and Photo Sharing, to an introvert

What this introvert thinks of snapshots of people, and of photo sharing without permission of the subjects.

I do not like snapshots of people. I don't want to see them. They almost always give a false impression, and in fact they work against real communication. They are just a "chance" view of someone taken in a split second of a person's life, usually in a situation in which the subject is socially under pressure.

Snapshots can ruin your idea of who the person they photograph "is" for some time, if not forever, and make communication with that person awkward, uncomfortable, and unproductive.

To see people every day isn't the same thing as seeing snapshots of them. When you are around people every day you become so used to their being there you (normally) don't notice their surface appearance anymore; you see what you need to see, which usually includes very little of their superficial appearance (whereas snapshots are all about superficial appearance) - and you communicate with the person you "know" (or believe) they are -- not based on their physical appearance at any certain time from just one angle, at just one time of their day, at just one time of the day (morning, noon, night), in certain lighting conditions, in certain social conditions, from certain viewpoints, etc., etc. You are communicating with the private person inside, the individual, and what I see as the "real" person, or as close to "real" as you're going to get.

An introvert values highly his or her private life, and the private lives of others, because it is only within "private" lives that they can relate to people in a really personal and truly communicative and helpful way. One has to not see the other superficially, and especially not see them in snapshots (either visual or in words, but especially visual as those are so distracting), as it is so easy to base one's ideas of another person on them, even knowing that they show only a fleeting and usually very awkward (and false) glimpse but not the real person.

Note that just because a person is an introvert doesn't mean that they do not like other people - Not at all! Some may, some may not, or they may love some and hate some, but introversion has nothing to do with that. It does mean, however, that their relationships with other people are different, as they wish to communicate with the "real" person who lives underneath the false impressions given by "snapshots" of any nature.

So, unless you really dislike a person who happens to be an introvert, please do not publish snapshots of them until or unless they have seen the pictures and have given permission for you to do so. Also, please do not expect them to enjoy looking at snapshots of others, as they do not like being bombarded with these awkward and unreal images that strongly influence and often ruin their opinion of the people in the pictures as those images "freeze" our ideas of who they are.

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DEFINITION OF SNAPSHOTS: I should define "snapshots" though I think most people would realize that I mean photographs taken by ordinary people who are not real artists (and when I say "artists" I include photographers with the sensitivity and aims of artists). Snapshots are the kinds of pictures that you see all the time (because people want you to look at them...every one of them) that all look pretty much alike. The person who takes snapshots just aims the camera toward people they want to have a picture of without considering any of the principles of composition except one: get the subject in there somewhere.

Queen Elizabeth II, Introvert

Princess Elizabeth of York, currently Queen Elizabeth II of the

United Kingdom, painted when she was seven years old (1933)

by Philip Alexius de Laszlo - Picture source: Wikimedia

Queen Elizabeth II was carefully and thoroughly groomed to be in public since her early childhood and has been performing public duties throughout her long life, attended and supported and aided so that she is never at a loss for what to do or how to do it, or when, no matter that she may in fact wish she was elsewhere, doing something much more to her liking - alone.  Besides having long since become habituated to public life she is obviously a very conscientious individual who puts her responsibilities and country before her personal needs and inclinations.  Add self-discipline and you have an introvert who has the strength of character required to dutifully and cheerfully meet with the public constantly, no doubt until the end of her days.

Introverts and Family Gatherings

We introverts are either pitied or disliked (even loathed) for not wanting to attend these things - and for appearing to be (we are!) terribly uncomfortable if we have been dragged to one. I for one would prefer being disliked over being pitied if I had a choice, as when you're pitied it implies that you are thought of as a pathetic individual who needs to be babied (and maybe even hugged - which is not only an insult but an invasion of privacy to an introvert...this makes it even worse). In fact, I am sure I am both disliked and pitied.

But does it not seem that old Uncle Ray or Cousin Wanda (and I) really are grumpy (irritable, snappy, and definitely unsociable)? We may appear to be angry or annoyed, zoned-out, or even panicked. The "unsociables" (or some of them) also might tend to drink too much and/or do "crazy" things -- So, you might think, doesn't that prove they really do have something "wrong" with them? No it doesn't.

The kind of pressure that a family gathering puts on an introvert can make them grab for anything that takes their mind off the situation they're in even a tiny bit or that gives them a feeling of escape.  Though they'd rather be at home in their workshop or other personal space where they would love to be doing what they usually do, if they know this is impossible they would at least rather be away from this gathering -- anywhere else would do.

A long walk (say six or seven hours....) while everyone else is playing games and eating and talking and talking and talking may seem very odd to the extroverts in the family, but it may be the only thing that saves Uncle Ray from an immediate heart attack from stress. A drink or two or three -- the same. And why might these introverts be irritable? Because they've been dragged to this place, because they hate it here and they fervently wish they were elsewhere (and they show every sign of wanting to be elsewhere). And because they know that people simply don't, won't, and apparently can't understand why it is they wish so much that they weren't there and so misinterpret their behavior which makes things even worse.

The description "a fish out of water" really fits here as an introvert in this kind of situation is unable to function, almost unable to breathe. They "flap around" and would "die" if they couldn't get back into the "water" as soon as possible. They simply cannot pretend for any length of time to be comfortable and to be like the extroverts all around them. The longer they are in this predicament, the harder it is to control their real feelings. Thus the need to escape the situation is what is foremost on the mind of the introvert trapped at a family gathering.

I do believe the stress that an introvert suffers at times like these (and even when contemplating such a situation coming up) does actually shorten their life and they intuitively know that and look for any way out of the situation, logical or not. Where there's even a tiny speck of light toward the end of the tunnel, there's hope, even if it turns out to be the headlights of a train; and even if it is a train, just maybe they can jump on it and head toward home.

It probably isn't necessary to explain in this post why an introvert would not want to be in such a situation, as I've written quite a bit in other posts about our reasons for preferring to be alone or with people we are very close to and "in synch with." But I don't think I've written much yet about how being around people you know well but are not around regularly (mostly I'm referring to family as the people in your family have not been chosen as friends and it is only an amazing coincidence if you and they happen to be compatible) is worse than being around strangers. In fact, being around strangers is no problem at all for me, for instance, as long as I'm not expected to interact with them more than is required to get things done that need to be done (buy something, get directions, check out a book, etc.). But having to interact socially, especially with people I "know" well but am not around constantly and/or am not compatible with, is anathema to me. I am expected to interact simply because we're in the same family, but cannot as we (in most cases) have nothing in common other than the same ancestors.  And, even if we do understand each other and have some things in common, if we don't see each other every day - and even if we do - face-to-face contact is not nearly as comfortable as contact via reading and writing.  (How our ancestors who were like us survived before writing was invented, I can't imagine...they must have been useful in some way!)

So, family gatherings are as horrid an idea to me as attempting to exchange chit chat on the phone for the same length of time would be...even (much) more horrid, actually. I would rather take a chance that the glimmer of light in the tunnel is not the headlight of a freight train.

- Jean

"Up until 10 years ago, the reason people went to their reunions was to find out what happened to everybody. You can do that without ever having to leave your home or show your gray hair." -- Carol Riley (I have no idea who Carol Riley is, but I agree with her statement.)

Introverts Don't Need "Vacations"

"I'm never less at leisure than when at leisure, or less alone than when alone."
-- Scipio the Elder (235–183 BC)

Introverts don't usually need "vacations" to "get away from it all," at least not if we've been able to do things as introverts like to do them in which case there's nothing to get away from - We love what we're doing so why would we want to leave it? For us, to be alone and working on something that is of interest, undisturbed (except possibly for short breaks when we might enjoy a distraction), is as good as any vacation might be to others.

To an introvert, a cruise ship looks like a "prison ship"

The usual type of so-called "vacation" (as defined by an extrovert or a nonthinking-any-kind-of-vert) would be a miserable chore for an introvert, and we would be longing to get back to what we want to get back to ... though this might not be true if the "vacation" is not as defined by an extrovert, but is something that is exactly what we need/want to do at the time. In fact a "working vacation" (i.e., doing what we do all the time but in another locale) would probably be the most tolerable - even sometimes enjoyable - "vacation" for an introvert, as long as it didn't last too long, but nothing is as enjoyable and salutary as getting back to home ground and getting back to our studies and creative activities, etc.

It's quite possible, of course, that an introvert has other, secondary, interests and would like to pursue those interests from time to time, and you might call the pursuit of these other interests "vacations," though these interests would probably be pursued just as intensely as the main interest and the introvert would need to be able to concentrate on them as much as on their first love.

The worst kind of so-called "vacation" for me to contemplate (and I think I'm a typical introvert) would be one where I did nothing but stand around, sit around, walk around and/or lie around (wasting precious time) in the company of people (just for one example, members of a tour group) I have little or nothing in common with, with whom I'm expected to talk or perhaps even play games or otherwise interact with, and sometimes whose itinerary I must follow. I would feel like a prisoner in those circumstances and would long for an escape...I would hardly be able to think of anything else.

Please, do not ever think I need a vacation because if you were in my place you would need one. If I ever need a "vacation," I would much prefer it be of my own choosing -- I must choose when I need to go, where I need to go, what I need to do, the way I need to do it, and how much time I'll spend on whatever I'm doing. It may be just to the back yard to walk around with a camera and take pictures for ten minutes...My life is full of "mini-vacations" like this that continually refresh me.  - Jean

I would rather be here . . .

. . . than "on vacation."

An Etcher in his Studio
by Charles Frederic Ulrich - c. 1882
from The Athenaeum

Georgia O'Keeffe, Introvert

Abiquiu, New Mexico, near Ghost Ranch

"It was all so far away - there was quiet and an untouched feel to the country and I could work as I pleased." -- Georgia O'Keeffe







Georgia O'Keefe, Introvert
(Photo by Alfred Stieglitz, 1918)

O'Keefe's home and studio sitting room - Abiquiu, New Mexico

"In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely; in the country, people are quiet but few are lonely." -- Geoffrey Fisher (1887-1972), Archibishop of Canterbury

Introverts Do Not Like Surprises

Oh, Please! Nooooooo!

That introverts do not like surprises is an understatement. The truth is that we hate surprises. And by "surprises" here I refer mainly to those which involve an invasion of people into our personal space and time. (Emails are fine as they do not interrupt -- We can read them whenever it's convenient for us.)

I should probably just speak for myself here, as of course all introverts are not alike. But I do think we all feel this way to one degree or another and many of us, including myself, really do not like surprises at all.

In fact surprises are anathema to us unless they are of the innocent variety, i.e., of the type that don't have anything to do with invasion of our time and space...Some of the "innocent" type can in fact be very pleasant and refreshing.

As introverts are primarily inward-directed, it should be obvious that we like to be alone with our thoughts a lot of the time...our thoughts, our books, maybe music at times or the sound of water bubbling or birds chirping, and/or other things that aid us in contemplation and study of what's on our minds...or in doing what it is we are doing -- working on our projects whatever they might be.

There is an exception, and that is that we may be completely comfortable being around those who are an integral part of our daily lives if we are completely understanding of and respect each other's needs, but others are different.

It's not that we don't like other people (I will write a post -- or two or three -- about this in the future.)  It's that we don't want to be interrupted or distracted and we don't like our space, including physical space, violated. These things to us are sacred and we treasure them and protect them.

When there is real need of a get-together of any kind, we want to thoroughly plan what needs to be accomplished, what we intend to do, and - if we have any choice - what's the best place and time block for it. Mostly our time is well-planned (or we wish it were and get very frustrated if we aren't able to plan it ahead) and it's hard to fit in anything out of the ordinary, especially if it doesn't seem to be helpful in some way (and "helpful" might well include something of a relaxing or enjoyable nature, though our ideas about what is "relaxing" and/or "enjoyable" may not coincide with those of others...and we still need to schedule these things ourselves). - Jean

Solitude - Not Desolation

“The mind can weave itself warmly in the cocoon of its own thoughts, and dwell a hermit anywhere.” -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891), American poet, critic, editor, and diplomat


I do not wish to live in, or even spend time in, a place like this, even though I am a an introvert.

Because an introverted person needs solitude doesn't mean that he or she desires to live entirely beyond the pale of human civilization. Of course sometimes well-meaning extroverts (those are the worst kind) can make an introvert temporarily experience a great desire to do just that. This precariously perched high mountain cabin, however, is probably not the sort of place most introverts would look for to escape the annoying extroverts at their heels.

After all, their motivation for seeking out solitude is not to be isolated from the rest of the human race. (With exceptions, of course, but I am speaking of introverts generally, and of myself in particular). The motivation is to be able to think, and to plan, often to read, sometimes to listen, and to work on things alone (be it mentally or physically or both). Eventually from their quiet place they will, after having had the time and space they need, be ready to re-enter the social milieu ... but always, they hope, with a place nearby where they can return to the solitude they need in order to be themselves, refresh themselves, and think most clearly and well.

These places of escape and solitude do not always have to be where there are no other people around. If they are able to concentrate and are left alone many introverts can relax and think and do quite a bit even in a crowd of people. With extroverts far outnumbering introverts, though, it's often hard to find such peace among other people, unless you're in a place where no one knows you and is unlikely to approach you.

That austere mountain cabin in the above picture, though...I have no desire for anything that isolated myself, and believe me, I am one of those people who really do enjoy being alone and would almost always rather be alone (in the library, at the computer, reading a book, watching the birds, drawing, planning, etc.). The point is not to escape the rest of humanity but to be able to bring our best selves to it.

Albert Einstein, Introvert

Albert Einstein in 1921

"The more powerful and original a mind,

the more it will incline towards the religion

of solitude." -- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)

Albert Einstein, Introvert

Solitude by Alexander Pope

Solitude HAPPY the man, whose wish and care A few paternal acres bound, Content to breathe his native air In his own ground. Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread, Whose flocks supply him with attire; Whose trees in summer yield him shade, In winter fire. Blest, who can unconcern’dly find Hours, days, and years, slide soft away In health of body, peace of mind, Quiet by day. Sound sleep by night; study and ease Together mix’d, sweet recreation, And innocence, which most does please With meditation. Thus let me live, unseen, unknown; Thus unlamented let me die; Steal from the world, and not a stone Tell where I lie. Alexander Pope (1688–1744)

Charles Darwin, Introvert

Charles Darwin's "Thinking Path" at his home (Down House)

"I'm never less at leisure than when at leisure, or less

alone than when alone."-- Scipio the Elder (235–183 BC)

Charles Darwin, introvert

My Work Center

My Work Center on April 19, 2010

"The happiest of all lives is a busy solitude." - Voltaire

In an earlier post there is a picture of a woman alone in a darkish room, writing at her desk.  At first glance that scene seems to illustrate the above quote.  However, after looking at the picture more carefully it seems that the woman is not actually a person who yearns for solitude, though she's smart enough to realize she needs an iota of it in order to write a thoughtful note.  One also realizes that the area in which she's writing is not the kind of space (as it is furnished and apparently cared for) that a person who thrives in solitude would be comfortable in.
 
I offer here a view of my own "inner sanctum."  This is the center of my life, actually.  Although I do a lot of outside (physical) work, it's here where I plan that work, and do a lot of other planning as well.  It's also where I download all the pictures I take with my camera (usually several to dozens every day) and delete/edit/disseminate them according to how "good" (my judgment) and how useful they are or might be for various purposes.

It's also where I keep up with my website and another blog besides this one, besides the online "shops" where some of my drawings are (very seldom) sold on mugs and stationery and where I put up new designs from time to time. It's here where I do most of my reading (from the computer and from books), and type up notes and prepare my blog posts, and it's from here that I order my books (and other items, but mostly books) as well as try to keep up with news and new articles and videos on all the subjects that interest me, and it's here that I plan my days, my weeks, and even - roughly - the whole year ahead (in December) and work on various projects.  Also, this is where I write and receive several emails every day.  And this is where I write down my thoughts, ideas, memories, quotes I come across, etc. that I may (and often do) find useful in the future.
 
It's also (mostly) here that I draw.  Note the little clipboard behind the computer keyboard -- That has been my "drawing table" for many, many years.  Just the other day I received a sketch board that I ordered which I intend to use now for drawing, though I haven't had time to use it yet.  Although small for a sketch board (18-1/2" x 19-1/2"), it's much larger than the clipboard yet won't be too large to see over and use comfortably while sitting in a chair.
 
The next time I take a picture of my "work center" the details will be a little different, depending on what I'm working on at the time.  I also hope to add some more shelves somewhere, perhaps on the wall if I'm lucky, so that I can see what I have - get more things up off the floor and out of boxes; that's probably just a dream, though.  For the most part it will still probably look pretty much as it does in the picture.  It suits me.  It's comfortable.  I don't worry about how it looks unless I think that someone might come by.  Luckily, usually people don't come by as I communicate mostly via email.

I think you will agree that although at first glance it may appear that I am a recluse who has no interest in people, the truth is that I am a communicator.  People are very important in my life.  It's just that my methods of communication are different than those of more extrovertish people due to my need to be for the most part alone in order to do be comfortable and do my best.

Introverts are Not Afraid of People

Introverts are not afraid of people - They simply prefer to be alone

There is a common misconception that introverts are afraid of people -- that they're shy, timid, fearful.  Although certainly there are introverts (as there are people who are not introverts with the same fear) who happen to be afraid of people, they are not afraid of them because they are introverts, but for other reasons!  I once ran into this misconception personally when I found out indirectly that I have apparently for a very long time been thought of by at least one person (probably others, too, I imagine) as a "fearful" person who is afraid of people -- for the reason that I would do most anything to avoid getting together socially. But the people I don't want to interact with are not people I am fearful of (nor do I usually dislike them); they are people with whom I have very little in common...or at least nothing that needs to be shared or discussed in a face-to-face social situation -- I don't mind at all talking in person to clerks in stores or librarians in a library or to any other people in situations where there is information that needs to be shared (these are not what I call "social" situations).

Introverts, when they communicate with people they are not around all the time, prefer to do some research, think ahead, and plan out what they're going to say and what they hope to achieve by means of the meeting. Furthermore, they prefer if possible to do carry out this "meeting" in writing, which they can take some time with to work out the best way to put things to accomplish what they need to accomplish, as well as take their time to let what others say sink in, and to note what they don't want to forget.

Introverts think better (they think differently than do non-introverts) and are more in command of themselves and their responses when they're by themselves and have time (and mental space) to prepare well. They can do their very best when alone. If an introvert were a "fish" then time spent alone would be his or her "water."

Extroverts, on the other hand, do their kind of thinking while talking aloud to or with someone; furthermore, they don't feel the time pressure imposed by a face-to-face situation that introverts feel strongly and are very much distracted by. If an extrovert were a "fish" then time spent with others would be his or her "water."

Besides not having the time (and mental space) to consider what I'm going to say and even what I'm going to do while "visiting" socially, another powerful reason I dislike "social only" gatherings of people  (be it only two people or any number of them) where extemporaneous speech about the topic of the second is expected  is that I believe there is no useful purpose served by most of these gatherings.  A lot of them are devoted to gossip and small talk or else to discussion of things everyone already knows, none of which I'm the least bit interested in.  And there are always things I would much rather be doing.  I am very sensitive to time and want to use it well. I do not think that sitting or standing around awkwardly talking about nothing of importance as the minutes and hours fly by is a good use of time and in fact to me it is an appallingly awful waste of time.  None of this has anything to do with being afraid of people.

I know what fear is like as I have a couple of actual phobias (needles, heights). I know that I have no fear of people. If I were afraid of people, I wouldn't want to be in a place where there were a lot of them. I wouldn't even want to go into a grocery store or a library or a post office (especially when there are long lines), but I don't mind being in these situations at all.  Also, it doesn't bother me at all to be a member of an audience...even a very large audience, as long as the event I'm there for is of interest to me.  The truth is that I don't mind being around people when I'm not required to socialize, and in fact I could be in a crowd of thousands and I would be fine under circumstances in which I was free to leave at any time if I wanted to, and where I wasn't pointed out and asked unexpected questions of (say for TV), and as long as I didn't have to play a social role more than simple politeness requires, or give a speech that I couldn't read from the page...yet even if I was expected to do any of these things I've just mentioned my wish to be away from there as soon as possible would not be inspired by fear of people. It would be more of a "fish out of water - can't be myself in these circumstances and I'm wasting time" type of motivation.

To me socializing without a useful purpose -- particularly a purpose in which I myself can be of good use (and I cannot be of good use when "out of water") -- is unnecessary and depressing. This is why I prefer spend most of my time alone, or with another introvert I'm compatible with and share interests with and work together with regularly. This desire to be alone has nothing to do with fear.

A Busy Solitude

Woman at her writing table

Lesser Ury (German, 1861 - 1931)

Picture source: Wikimedia

"The happiest of all lives is a busy solitude." - Voltaire

A busy solitude?  Yes, but a little too "busy" for me!  This woman looks intense -- her body tilting forward from the waist, head and neck even further inclined, shoulders scrunched up, her hand gripping the pen tightly with a fist held close to her body. Even the chair seems to be tipped forward, and its arms appear to be making a vain attempt to hold the woman back as she leans toward the letter she's writing. Even her neat upswept hairstyle, as pretty as it is, gives the impression that she is a particularly tidy woman who dresses for others. In other words, this dark and cozy interior isn't a place where she usually spends time alone. She looks more like an extrovert than an introvert. One can easily imagine her standing by that piano listening intently to her daughter or son practicing. But one can't imagine her: piling that desk with books that never go away, allowing dust to ever be seen in there, letting the room become cluttered with miscellanea she just might need to consult or use in some other way (perhaps just as inspiration), reading out of great curiosity or reading anything longer than a magazine article, or leaning back thinking without doing anything else at all, or spending time just staring out the window letting the thoughts pour in.

I would guess that any time she spent at that desk would be devoted to paying the bills and writing necessary letters to "Mother" and "Aunt Jane" to let them know what the family has been doing.

This seems to be an admirable woman. I'm sure she's a delightful wife and a very competent mother and a faithful friend. I'm glad there are people like her. But, oh what a waste of a cozy-looking interior space that would be such a sweet library and refuge for someone who loves solitude.

A Little Back Shop

"In solitude, where we are least alone." -- Lord Byron

"A man must keep a little back shop where he can be himself without reserve. In solitude alone can he know true freedom." -- Michel De Montaigne

The quotation above and at the top of each page of this blog was surely not meant to refer to an actual place, or I never thought so. To me it refers to "a place in the mind" that one can escape to even when sitting in a room full of people. However, it also makes me think of a real place - a room or a dedicated part of a room, inside or outside -- anywhere that is one's own to be by oneself in - and I do believe that such a place, no matter how small or "strange" or messy it may look to others can be a welcome, comforting, and extremely useful haven for an introverted person...a place where they can be themselves, immerse themselves completely in what they're interested in, and think of things and try things that can only be thought of and tried in solitude; and, ironically you might say, since they are alone, it is the place where they best communicate from, in writing and/or through other means of communication, including all the things they create there. It is also a place where one can contemplate well the thoughts and ideas and perspectives and vision and knowledge of others who have obviously spent much of their own time in solitude.

Do extroverts also need such a place, and in fact could they truly treasure and make good use of such a place if only for small amounts of time? Of course introverts and extroverts are not all gathered at extreme ends of the scale.  They are all along the scale, and there are some people in the middle who are introverts at times, extroverts at other times, to different degrees. So I feel sure that a majority of people can probably identify with this craving for a space of one's own - an absolutely private workshop or study type of area. However, the part-introvert/part-extrovert might want to be sure that their private space would look good in a House & Garden type magazine spread, while a "pure" extrovert might think such a personally dedicated area is completely unnecessary and a waste of good space. An introvert doesn't care how it looks; he or she needs that place in order to be themselves. I'm an introvert, myself.